God Spoke to Me on 3 Occasions
As a teenager I remember watching The Ten Commandments with Charlton Heston playing Moses. I had never read The Bible, except for maybe a few scriptures here and there during Sunday church service. My mom used to go to church regularly and she would take us–me and my brother–but one day we just stopped going. We had a bible in the house but it was just another book on the shelf. So, to put this into perspective, here I was, a young girl not having been exposed to the teachings of The Word, simply watching and learning about Moses and how he brought God’s people out from bondage. I was totally enraptured.
I remember having this wonderful sense of calm-peace and love come over me. I felt like I was enveloped in love. I didn’t understand it then, but I realize that it was The Holy Spirit coming upon and into me. I knew I was saved, deep in my heart. And the connection of the Holy Spirit to my soul took place at that moment–even though I couldn’t understand it. It’s a feeling that is beyond the human vocabulary to express.
Fast forward and taking into account life dynamics, I drifted in and out of my beliefs. I was confused and dismayed throughout the years. I allowed the devil to enter my life–to mislead me and deceive (as he does best). Every time something went wrong, it brought me further and further away from Him. When times were bad, I blamed Him. It seemed as if every time things started to go well, something bad happened again. And I grew bitter and angry, especially when I was at my lowest, when I lost my only child. I had suffered loss before, but there is no loss greater than this.
This is the story of my journey towards salvation and acceptance of Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.
The second time God spoke to me was at this lowest point. I was in a very deep depression. I didn’t want to do anything. It was the middle of the day and I was laying in bed, deeply sad and feeling alone, missing my daughter, not wanting to do anything but wallow in this dark space. I was laying in the bed, staring at the ceiling, when I heard a loud, echoing voice. The voice called my name, “Beverly!”, it called. It wasn’t yelled out, yet it was so loud, it startled me out of the bed and onto my feet. I said, “What?”, looking about, wondering where the voice came from. It wasn’t a regular voice. It was booming, it was ever-present; it came out like surround-sound through speakers. I hadn’t been sleeping. I was wide-awake when this happened. Well, this startled me enough to get and out of bed and go about my day.
Some days later, I came across Isaiah 43:1, as I started taking an interest in the bible, thanks to a Christian friend who helped me with that. It says, “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine”. I realized at that moment that it was God calling me by name that day. He knew my pain and He commanded me. He was helping me through this pain of grief. He was walking with me and guiding me through it. I didn’t know about the scriptures that would be revealed to me about this, but this was just the first steps in my journey towards redemption and salvation. But I was chosen long before; I just didn’t know it at the time.
The third time God spoke to me was not through spoken words, but through a push (literally). I remember it was May 2019. I had taken 3 months off, not able to function after losing my daughter. But I decided to go back to work at this time. It was too soon, though. I wasn’t ready to face the world. I couldn’t put on a happy face and I was broken inside. So, here I was, on the way to visit a client to train them in fitness. I was walking, on the way to this client, crying, and crying. I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. I didn’t know what to do. I was considering turning around and going back home.
So, I was walking very slowly, trying to decide what to do. How can I face my client like this? What do I do? But I didn’t think to reach out to God. I didn’t have the words–I had been so mad at Him. I didn’t know that He would forgive me. I had a lot of anger inside me at the person who took my daughter from me too. I was just full of bitterness and anger and it took over my very being. Suddenly, someone came from behind me and shoved me so hard that it made me trip and double up my steps to prevent from falling. Well, that made me so mad, it stopped me from crying. I turned around to see who it was who had pushed me. When I looked behind me no one was there. I looked up the hill from which I walked; I looked across the street; I even looked to my left and right–the streets were empty, except for the passing cars. I know I wasn’t imagining things. Someone pushed me. I felt a hand on my back.
That’s when I became a bit shaken. I took stock of myself, wiped my eyes, and picked up my pace. I got to my client appointment on time and I did my job. God got me there; He got me through that difficult day, just as He got me through my deep depression when He called my name. Isaiah 43:2 says,
When you walk through the flames, I will be with you.
Isaiah 43:2, NIV
Jesus Christ has been with me through the most difficult times. I just didn’t realize it. I was in too much pain. But He understood my ‘groans’. When we are grieving, we are calling out, not with words, but with groans of pain. The Holy Spirit walked with me during my darkest moments and helped me through. I could not have done it alone.
Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.
Romans 8:26
I continue to thank God for sending His son Jesus Christ to save us. And I thank Jesus for sending The Holy Spirit to me, my Comforter, my Helper. Jesus abides in me. I want to walk in His spirit and in His ways until the time comes for me to meet Him in Heaven.